420 ftw
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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