I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My dick has a subreddit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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