How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
