Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
