The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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