Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize