we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
