And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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