Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
