ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
