This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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