I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
