My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
