I must be too annoying 4 u.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
