Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
