Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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