I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
