im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
