you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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