Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
