i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize