idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
