Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So much Jack, so little girl.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
