I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
