I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
