You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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