He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize