I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is Oprah even human
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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