Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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