Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
