She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
