We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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