I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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