Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
