Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
