ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
