if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
