Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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