So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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