You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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