proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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