I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
