Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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