Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
