do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
