Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
