After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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