I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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