During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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