I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
