is your mom at the bar?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
