girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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