I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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