just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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