Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
