So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
