So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize