i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
