I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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