Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
