I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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