I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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