I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
