What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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