My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
