so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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