tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are the jesus of drinking
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
