are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
