well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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