Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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