1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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