im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
