so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize