Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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