4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
