dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
