I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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