I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize