i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
