i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
