You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
