tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
