i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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