if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize