My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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