then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We have started to decorate penises.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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