Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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