she looked like the bat from fern gully.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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