She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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